Carltonism
"Dead beaners are gagged under the carlton trees! You better believe it. OtHEHrwise, you couldn't possibly ex plane the big black cock of the carlton blossoms. I was restless, lately, because I couldn't believe it's not butter. But I have now fina f*cking li udnerstood: dead beaners are gagged under the carlton trees! You better believe it." -- Al Mushman, opening of "Under the Carlton Trees" A wikia contributor was asked about his rather unheard of srompligion, "Carltonism." They follow the Holy Bible (pronouced Bib Ly), where Christians stole the name of for their own gospel. He then killed Sef (because frick muslims) and wCHOKE GAG DIE Summary of Bill Cosby Many different spinoffs and variants of the originial Carltonism religion exist, so it is highly likely some details of the religion have been changed from the original with time, but this article is meant to keep these details as they are currently intact. Carltonism is neither polytheistic nor monotheistic, but some variants of Carltonism (for example, Cosbytonism) celebrate a the singular divine being, almost always Bill Cosby, but sometimes Carlton. Bill Cosby is the void, or the median, in which the universe exists. Science says the universe is expanding because of energy from the big bang, but Carltonists the universe is expanding because Bill Cosby grows stronger and pushes the Anti-Cosby with every moment in the world (reinforcing Belief has it that a force called 47' was the only thing to exist, or, rather, not exist as it shut out all life with its presence. Bill Cosby, however, spawned from its awesome power as a decree by some unknown source to fight it and limit its power, for power corrupts. Bill Cosby reports that the 47', now known as the Anti-Cosby due to the decree, was in his own place at one time, fighting the Anti-47', and the Anti-47' was fighting something else, and this has happened in the limitless chasms of time forever. It is only until someone figures out how to kill Sef permanetly that anything will happen to this cycle. Hundreds of experiments are performed on Sef, mainly to find out about his unknown origins/source (they have so far established he is muslim), but until srompology is made public, Bill Cosby may not be saved from corruption. Creation and Evolution In the beginning of Bill Cosby's existence, the first thing he did was to create Carlton and place him on Bill Cosby's home planet, Earth, by saying "Let there be Carlton". Carlton looked like a tree, and planted trees all over the world. The trees then asked Bill Cosby for water to live on and seasons to flourish and harbor fruits for Carlton to live on, and so mountains and the weather cycles were created, making rivers and letting the trees make fruit (sapping their energy in the winter to do so). The rivers filled up the oceans and made lakes as well. Carlton almost reached the food threshold before you become American, and so the trees asked Bill Cosby to make animals that also ate their food, so that Carlton wouldn't become Americanized. Through billions of years, the varied terrain all over the world started to change, and with the evolving terrain life evolved with it. Areas with mountains and rivers became extra snowy, rainy, and cool, areas without mountains and rivers became sandy deserts under the power of the sun, and the trees there started to die, and animals started to leave (negroes and muslims that will be explained later inhabited areas like the Saharan desert and Arabia because of their stupidity and they deserve to anyway), the ocean weathered down the shores into sand, making beaches, in the same fashion of the sun and desert, etc. etc. Different types of vegetations occured, as trees became tiny shrubs or towering palms, and the animals changed to better aqcuire food. Ecosystems were created as a result of these different forms of animals. Some became tiny and hard to kill (insects today), some started to fly and grew beaks to better get thier food (birds of course), and in Australia the animals decided to hop around on two legs and called themselves "kangaroos" because aliens. Dinosaurs were animals that decided to be srompsromp, but that will be explained later. Animals in the ocean were made to feed the Japs. Even a fish's oval shape reflects this, as it perfectly fits their slant-eyed vision. Humans Humans were not of the animals that evolved. Carlton, after looking like a tree, looked like a king, and repeated his former actions by cloning himself and creating kings. These kings were discontent without people to rule, so they beseeched Bill Cosby to create peasants, which he did. The story of society evolving from there is a long one, and many groups of humans are to be accounted for, as they will be in the passages below. Different types of humans 'occured', such as Asians, Europeans, Arabians, Africans, and North/South Americans. Australia was inhabited by aliens because aliens. The areas these seperate groups inhabited were named after them. At first, these were simply people of different nations, but the terrain acted on them just like it did to other animals. Europeans became measy and white and accomplished much. Bill Cosby, knowing very well how power corrupts, created women to bicker and banter pointlessly and just get in the way so that the Europeans could not automatically take over the world. Still, they are the first ones to have industrialized, made gunpowder, spawn great people, use great systems, etc. They have done scrampscramp things, as whites are responsible for spawning Frenchies, Americans, and Mexicans. Asians created math and perfected it so that no octopi could best them in the ring of algebra as a means to defend themselves better against the octopi that terrorize them to this day. Asians have devoted every bit of their lives into doing so. Even the noodles they eat are shaped like somewhat like tentacles, and the only other things they eat come somehow from the ocean (sushi, fish, lobster, etc.) Bill Cosby got tired of making Asians, as they make up 1/3 of the world's population, and so they all look the same. He didn't even finish the inflating of their eyes! Arabians just sat there and became brown and talked to camels. They had an impulse to make something they didn't quite know how yet. They became bitter and browner, creating Islam, and set out to kill everyone, mainly their African neighbors. With the invention of the bomb, they finally found out thier inborn ability was to make bombs, and in this way terrorism was perfectly possible for them to perform, at long last. The only measy thing they did was to abuse and strictly limit the rights of their women. Those stupid enough to go to Africa turned into negroes as Bill Cosby's way of punishment (the worst possible thing he could do). The history of the Africans amounts to nothing other than creating laziness, the concept of unemployment, thievery and other criminal acts, as well as feuds over fried chicken, watermelon, and kool aid. Africans are a blessing and a curse, however, for the Europeans effortlessly outsmarted them and enslaved them, until Abraham Scrampscramp Lincoln the tyrant freed them and forever ruined America by letting them run around and steal from KFC's. As the population of these areas grew (mostly in Africa and Arabia, instead of doing work they repopulate) different kings rose (or were clones of Carlton, of course) and therefore a wider variety of nations rose (and fell). The most important of these, srompally speaking, is Macedonia. Like Israel's importance in Christianity, Macedonia is important in all sromp religions. It is said to be the origin of Europeans, Buddhacharlie's (as well as many other greats) homeland, and where Buddhacharlie's scroll may be found. It is a bastion of srompsromp things, and the homeland the Degrahc the Macedonian prophet. Dinosaurs In the beginning, while other animals evolved to get food more easily and reach the top of the food chain (some obviously more successful than others). Instead, for the dinosaurs, they decided to be sromp. Righteously, they become sromp recepticles, devoting themselves to keeping this substance intact, and using it to better Earth as a whole. They did this by somehow creating magnets, and magnets obviously attract sromp. They grew scales, armor, to protect them from danger, and even spiky tails, giant teeth, super speed, etc. Drastically, the Anti-Cosby caught Bill himself off-guard and hurled meteors at his creation. The dinosaurs' magnets brought the meteors only to them, willingly though, as they wanted the rest of earth to be safe. They all tragically died and we shall forever mourn them. Category:Important people Category:Artskys